What I'm Thankful For

It has been such a long time since I have posted and I apologize for that.  There are just some things that I have very little desire to do now, and for some reason writing this blog is one of them.  Not only that, but thinking of productive things to share with you has not been coming easy either.   This month great things have been happening in my life.

 The first one is the fact that I will officially be awarded my Masters Degree  on Thanksgiving Day.  I won't be at the graduation ceremony, but that is still the day!  I am so relieved that the hard work I have done, especially through the summer and fall paid off!  Speaking of Thanksgiving, I am not quite sure how hard it is going to be.  So, this leads me to talk about the other great things happening in my life.  This next part is truly great.  I have actually been able to think about my life and despite the fact that this has been the absolute worst year of my life, I have so many things to be thankful for.  I have actually started a list so that as the holidays come up I can look at that list and remind myself of God's greatness through all of the great people he put in my life and all the things he has done for me.  There are so many, but here are a couple.  I add to it every day.

1. I am thankful for my loving, supportive family.  They were all here for me when I needed them the most and still are.  All of the things we have faced this past year and a half have only made us stronger and I couldn't ask for better parents, a better sister, or a better uncle and aunts!
2. I am thankful for my amazing friends.  Before I was able to get back to Roswell in May, so many were here waiting and so many came right after.  I have heard horror stories about widows with friends who have stopped talking to them when their spouse died.  I am so thankful that I can't name one person that happened with.  Everyone has been so supportive and great and I could not ask for better friends!  Thank you all so much!
3. I am also so thankful for my dog.  Sammy is the best 4 legged friend a girl could have and he is such a comfort to have around.  They say pets are calming and it is so true!
4. Probably the most important, and the reason I can even begin to be this positive is my faith.  I am so thankful that when it came to making the decision to curl up in a ball and never move again, or trust in God that he will carry me through this, I chose God.  Together we have taken the past five and a half months day by day, sometimes hour by hour, but here I am.  All because I chose to put complete trust in God.  Putting complete trust in someone takes courage, but this choice was not hard because my alternative was to trust myself and like I said, I would just be in a ball.  At least with God I have hope, and that keeps me going.  The verse posted on my mirror in the bathroom is Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  This is just one of the many things in Scripture that keeps me going.  I am so thankful I have this mindset and the desire to look forward and follow in the path God has set for me.  

That is not my entire list, but it is just something to share.  I once again want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers that they continue to give. It still means so much and brings such a comfort.  Thank you!

A Big Week

Last week was  hard, exciting, relieving, and terrifying all at the same time.  All of that came when I turned in my dissertation on Wednesday, and then all but the exciting part came again when we buried John's ashes at his family's ranch.   I still am not able to describe my feelings about burying my husband.  All I can say is how hard it was to drive up there knowing what I was about to do.  Seeing family and friends definitely made it easier.   This whole experience these past four months has made me realize just how important friendships are.  I have had the same friends for a very long time.  I have also made new friends who are just amazing.  All of these people bring so much joy to my life and I never want to take advantage of that.

Last week I was pretty anxious about a lot of things.  One of the main ones being that I felt I couldn't adequately answer the question, "What now?"  I still can't really answer it,  but I was reminded today that God does know.   It is not that I want to move forward, but I have to move forward.  It is one of those things where I can choose to stay where I am, living in my parents house for longer with no job or income, and not trusting God to get me through this next part of my life.  Those are not good options to me.  Obviously grieving is still a process I am going through and will be going through for quite a while, but I will grieve while moving on.  I feel God is calling me to begin this next part of my life while holding out his hand telling me to trust him and go with him.   As a person who likes security, having an unknown future is quite terrifying.  Time has moved fast.  It is time to figure out what that unknown future is.  It is nice to know that I have a hand to hold all the way through it, and amazing friends and family who will be there for me if I need them.