What I'm Thankful For

It has been such a long time since I have posted and I apologize for that.  There are just some things that I have very little desire to do now, and for some reason writing this blog is one of them.  Not only that, but thinking of productive things to share with you has not been coming easy either.   This month great things have been happening in my life.

 The first one is the fact that I will officially be awarded my Masters Degree  on Thanksgiving Day.  I won't be at the graduation ceremony, but that is still the day!  I am so relieved that the hard work I have done, especially through the summer and fall paid off!  Speaking of Thanksgiving, I am not quite sure how hard it is going to be.  So, this leads me to talk about the other great things happening in my life.  This next part is truly great.  I have actually been able to think about my life and despite the fact that this has been the absolute worst year of my life, I have so many things to be thankful for.  I have actually started a list so that as the holidays come up I can look at that list and remind myself of God's greatness through all of the great people he put in my life and all the things he has done for me.  There are so many, but here are a couple.  I add to it every day.

1. I am thankful for my loving, supportive family.  They were all here for me when I needed them the most and still are.  All of the things we have faced this past year and a half have only made us stronger and I couldn't ask for better parents, a better sister, or a better uncle and aunts!
2. I am thankful for my amazing friends.  Before I was able to get back to Roswell in May, so many were here waiting and so many came right after.  I have heard horror stories about widows with friends who have stopped talking to them when their spouse died.  I am so thankful that I can't name one person that happened with.  Everyone has been so supportive and great and I could not ask for better friends!  Thank you all so much!
3. I am also so thankful for my dog.  Sammy is the best 4 legged friend a girl could have and he is such a comfort to have around.  They say pets are calming and it is so true!
4. Probably the most important, and the reason I can even begin to be this positive is my faith.  I am so thankful that when it came to making the decision to curl up in a ball and never move again, or trust in God that he will carry me through this, I chose God.  Together we have taken the past five and a half months day by day, sometimes hour by hour, but here I am.  All because I chose to put complete trust in God.  Putting complete trust in someone takes courage, but this choice was not hard because my alternative was to trust myself and like I said, I would just be in a ball.  At least with God I have hope, and that keeps me going.  The verse posted on my mirror in the bathroom is Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  This is just one of the many things in Scripture that keeps me going.  I am so thankful I have this mindset and the desire to look forward and follow in the path God has set for me.  

That is not my entire list, but it is just something to share.  I once again want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers that they continue to give. It still means so much and brings such a comfort.  Thank you!

A Big Week

Last week was  hard, exciting, relieving, and terrifying all at the same time.  All of that came when I turned in my dissertation on Wednesday, and then all but the exciting part came again when we buried John's ashes at his family's ranch.   I still am not able to describe my feelings about burying my husband.  All I can say is how hard it was to drive up there knowing what I was about to do.  Seeing family and friends definitely made it easier.   This whole experience these past four months has made me realize just how important friendships are.  I have had the same friends for a very long time.  I have also made new friends who are just amazing.  All of these people bring so much joy to my life and I never want to take advantage of that.

Last week I was pretty anxious about a lot of things.  One of the main ones being that I felt I couldn't adequately answer the question, "What now?"  I still can't really answer it,  but I was reminded today that God does know.   It is not that I want to move forward, but I have to move forward.  It is one of those things where I can choose to stay where I am, living in my parents house for longer with no job or income, and not trusting God to get me through this next part of my life.  Those are not good options to me.  Obviously grieving is still a process I am going through and will be going through for quite a while, but I will grieve while moving on.  I feel God is calling me to begin this next part of my life while holding out his hand telling me to trust him and go with him.   As a person who likes security, having an unknown future is quite terrifying.  Time has moved fast.  It is time to figure out what that unknown future is.  It is nice to know that I have a hand to hold all the way through it, and amazing friends and family who will be there for me if I need them.  

Finding the Joys

I have learned over this past month that when I have to tell people about John who haven't heard, I feel bad; not for myself, but for putting them in such an awkward conversation.  In fact, just the other day I was talking to an airline agent asking for a refund on John's ticket and after I told her why I needed it, she replied, "Oh no, that's terrible!"  to which I laughed and said, "yeah."  Who laughs, right?!  I'm pretty sure it is just a way to ease the tension as I try to end the awkardness for others.  It surprises me though each time I do it and makes me smile just thinking about the weirdness of it.

I can see how God has helped make this entire event as easy as possible for me and my family.  There are so many different ways John could have died and so many other factors that we would have had to consider when it happened.  Looking back at the events in my life that have led up to this point I can see how God has prepared me as well as my family for this event.  He has been extremely good to us.  Realizing this has made it easier to look at all of the good things going on in my life right now and there is a lot.  Granted I am counting even the little blessings like getting extra whipped cream on my  mocha coconut frappacinos, but who doesn't like extra whipped cream?!  So, if I laugh to get out of an awkward conversation, I'll take it!

Results

I know many of you have been waiting quite anxiously to find out what happened to John, so I can finally relieve that and tell you that after  two and a half months of waiting and wondering, the death certificates have finally arrived and with them John's cause of death.  The death certificate reads that John's cause of death was  cardiac arrhythmia of unknown etiology.   This does not mean a heart attack like I originally thought it did, but it is still pretty surprising.

I have told a few people what I just shared with you and all of them have asked the question, "How are you doing?"  I answer this as truthfully as I can.  Knowing what happened to John does not change anything for me.  I do not feel better, I do not feel worse.  I expected the results to come back inconclusive and while this almost is, we at least know it was something with his heart.  Oddly enough I have no more peace of mind about it than I did before and  I didn't think I would.  John is in Heaven. For whatever reason, he was called to go now.   He is happy and having the time of his life.  I am so thankful and happy for him that he no longer has to deal with all the negative stuff that goes on in this world.  I truly am happy for him.  I can give the credit for this only to God who has given me such a peace and comfort throughout this whole ordeal.

At This Point...

I would like to thank everyone again for all of the thoughts and prayers that you are throwing  my way.  God has been absolutely amazing through all of this and your prayers are still very much needed.   Last week was surprisingly the hardest week I have had, and I am sure much of it has to do with the fact that this new part of my life has begun and I have to move on.  The good news is this week has started off a lot better!

I was reminded twice yesterday in two different ways that God is with us through the low points of our life and when He brings us out,  He has something great and wonderful planned for us.  I have heard that a lot these past 2 months, but for some reason yesterday  when I heard it I felt so much better.  So, my outlook this week is much more optimistic because while I can't see anything in my future beyond the next 2 months, I at least know I have a future and I am trusting God that it will be great!  

Until We Meet Again

I find it hard to discuss what I feel and what I am going through right now to a computer.  It is not that it is too sad or too hard to explain, it is just that I feel people enjoy seeing pictures much more than reading someone's perspective on something which is essentially what blogs are all about.  In the past I have chosen to post only when I have pictures and something interesting to write about.  After I leave Edinburgh on Tuesday, I am not sure how many pictures I will be posting or how many interesting things I will have to write about, but I will do my best to continue posting and to keep you all involved on what is going on in my life.

It is no big secret when I say that Edinburgh is the most wonderful place I have ever lived and I am going to miss it very much.  It is always hard to move, especially in this case.   I have been struggling this past week in convincing myself that moving away from Edinburgh does not mean moving away from John.  A metaphor popped into my head that made me feel so much better.  If I think of my life as a book, this is definitely the end of a chapter.  Even Part II you may say (I'm not really sure how many parts there are).  John was a leading character in this Part of my life.  Just because he may no longer be a leading character, it does not mean he is out of the book.  He will always be a very important part of my life.   However strange that metaphor is, it has really helped me in preparing for this move.

As for my future plans... I will be moving back to Roswell for a couple of months.  I will finish my dissertation, earn my Master's degree and then figure out what to do with the rest of my life.   I have cancelled my contract to teach in Abu Dhabi this year.  I have done this not because I am afraid of going alone, but  because it would just be too much right now.  That is the extent of knowledge I have to answer the question, "What are you going to do now?"

I have made some amazing friends here in Edinburgh and I am going to miss them a lot.   So, I have decided that instead of saying, "Goodbye" I will say, "Until we meet again!"  So, to my amazing friends here as well as Edinburgh itself...until we meet again!

My last week or so in Edinburgh

This past week in Edinburgh has been an absolute roller coaster of emotions.   Thanks to some wonderful friends and beautiful city with so much to do, I will leave with some great memories.  We have everything packed up and thanks to a lovely pair of friends, what is not packed up has been taken to a charity shop!  Thanks Andy and Suzie! Here are some pictures of the highlights of my week!

We had a wonderful afternoon at the beach
in Musselburgh.

It's a disposable grill!  I don't think I've ever seen one until now

We also made our own sushi!

This is where we bought our fish! 

We had to cool off the rice.  It works!

Ashley's beautiful roll!

We did an amazing job!

This is the grand opening of the National Museum of Scotland.  Definitely worth waking up early for!

An animatronic T-Rex!

Just one of the awkward fairy people. 

Here is a video of the fairy people and Ashley! 

Dumplings

People have been asking me to keep them updated on what is going on in my life and how I am doing.  Since my life is currently on hold, I don't really have a lot of news or new adventures.  I have been taking each day as it comes, but I do have pictures to share with you.  Thanks to my wonderful friends here in Edinburgh along with a wonderful friend who I have been able to share this city with, I have actually had a good time.  Last Saturday I had dumplings for the very first time.

Dumplings Night!

A lot of work goes in to making dumplings.  It's a good thing there were six of us!

I think it's safe to say I became a excellent dough roller. 

Ashley became quite the dumpling filler.  

Yay Ashley!

Finally after all our hard work, it's time to eat. 

Thank You

I cannot express how grateful I am to everyone for your thoughts and prayers.  This is the absolute hardest time of my entire life.  I will tell you that your prayers did not go unanswered.  I have a strength that I did not expect to have in such a situation.  Each day I wake up and I thank God that I can get out of bed and actually enjoy this time with family and friends that I have not seen in so long.  While my entire world has crashed down on me, it has not broken me.  I love John so much, and right now my trust and faith in God has provided a sturdy arm that I can lean against.  While I am extremely sad, I feel so comforted.  I can actually feel God with me and know that he has no intention of leaving.  The verse Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do everything through him who gives me strength."  I have heard this verse before and I have always believed it, but now I am actually living it.  Every move I have made these past 3 weeks has been from the strength of God and God alone.  I've always believed that God will not allow us to go through anything that we cannot handle with His help.  How true it is.    I have no idea how I am going to live the rest of my life without John right there next to me, but at least with Jesus by my side I know that I can.  I wanted to write this thanking everyone for your support and to let you know that I can actually feel your prayers.  I don't know how to express my gratitude, but please know that I am so grateful for your prayers and support.  Thank you so much.

Abu Dhabi Answers

It has been a while since we have posted anything and people are starting to ask about it.  So, I have decided to take a break from writing my dissertation and write something less academic.  Actually, I have been taking many breaks from my dissertation as I inform myself more about our next adventure to Abu Dhabi.  I have been finding many interesting things both from the forums I have been in as well as on my own.  Since I have no pictures to post, I have decided to answer the most popular questions I have been receiving about Abu Dhabi living.  Obviously I don't live there yet, so the answers will be more precise once we move, but for now I will do what I can.

Allow me to ease some minds out there and let you know that we will not be living in a compound.  Apparently there are some places in the Middle East where teachers live in compounds and are supposed to stay in certain areas.   This is not the case in the UAE.  If it was, we would have some serious re-thinking to do as we quite enjoy exploring.  If you would like to see how teachers live in Abu Dhabi, there are numerous videos on youtube.com.  All you have to do is type in 'Apartments in Abu Dhabi' and many videos will pop up.  Not all are from teachers, but most are from Westerners or ex-pats.

I also found a link on the UAE Embassy in Washington which discusses the UAE relationship with the US throughout the years.  http://www.uae-embassy.org/uae-us-relations/uae-us-timeline  I found it pretty interesting.

Another interesting fact is that weekends in the UAE fall on Friday and Saturday as opposed to Saturday and Sunday.  That should be fun to get used to.

Finally, the clothes.  This will also be helpful for those who decide to visit us!  We can wear what we wear now!  Although it may be a bit hot, so we will actually be wearing shorter garments.  It is basically important that we dress modestly...no short shorts, no revealing shirts and probably no bare sholders. We could wear those, but I think we would get a lot of stares, especially John.  Short sleeves, capris, and definitly shorts for guys are good to go!  As for teaching, it all depends on the school, but most likely my legs and arms will need to be covered.

When are we moving you ask....August.  That is about all I can say right now as thats about what I know.  The interesting part is, our tickets could arrive from 1 week to 1 day before we are expected to leave.  Talk about an interesting adventure!  Its a good thing we don't have a lot of stuff to pack as we moved here in 4 suitcases and will probably move again with 4 suitcases!  

Our Next Move

Our eighth month in Edinburgh is coming to a close and we have news!  Brandlyn has been offered a two year contract in the Middle East teaching English to primary students.  We have decided to accept the offer, so it is now official that we will be moving to Abu Dhabi in the UAE in August.  We are excited about our next move to the  center of the "ring of fire".   Although many countries around the UAE are currently in unrest, the UAE itself has a thriving economy and is investing in their people as well as their infrastructure.   Our time in Scotland has been amazing and we will enjoy our next few months here to the fullest!

John is very excited to begin his career in Camel Racing. 

7 Months In

We are in our 7th month here in Edinburgh and are enjoying it more and more each day.  Spring has arrived and it is beautiful.  Thought we should share some pics with you!

A sunny day in East Princes St. Gardens

These flowers are everywhere!

This weekend is the IATEFL Conference in Brighton.  Brandlyn will be going, so there will be more pictures to come.  However, you don't need to go to Brighton to find beaches!

On a sunny day you can find people swimming even when it is 50 degrees!

We were not those people

More posts and pictures  to come soon and hopefully regularly!

Long time no see

For all of our regular blog viewers out there, we apologize for not updating our blog regularly.  The only excuse we have is that for the past 2 months, school as gotten the best of us.  Other than our lack of Vitamin D, we are doing just fine.  The sun came out about 4 times this month if I remember correctly, our other days have consisted of mostly cloudy to fully clouded skies with some rain and some fog here lately.  The Aurora Borealis was set to be seen here in Edinburgh on Thursday and Friday night, but unfortunately it was blocked by the clouds.

In other news, we are nearly half way through our year in Edinburgh.  It has been a great 6 months, and we can't wait for Spring!  The job search has begun and will hopefully end by the summer.  As of right now, we have no idea where we will be in 6 months, but we are anxious to find out.   Due to school taking over our lives, we unfortunately have no pictures to post, but that will hopefully change soon.  In the meantime enjoy the sun!

Winter Holiday

 Brandlyn's little sister, Melanie, arrived a few days prior to Christmas. She arrived just in time to enjoy our snow. We showed her around town and enjoyed a lovely Christmas. Two days after Christmas we went to London.

Sir Arthur's Seat on Christmas Day.

The British Museum which holds the Rosetta Stone.

Tower Bridge.

St. Paul's Cathedral and Millenium Bridge.

 London Eye and Big Ben at night.

John causes Melanie to pass out on the train ride home.

Hogmanay New Year's Celebration in Edinburgh.

Fireworks from Edinburgh Castle.

John prepares for Loony Dook.

John found out that 32F air + 46F water will cause a sudden bone chilling sensation that only a few humans have unfortunately experienced. Of course with John's luck the bus was an hour late! The best example would be to strip down to nothing and stand in a freezer for an hour and then hop into a tub of ice water. Then stay in the freezer for another hour but, you are now allowed a towel and jacket.

John is not smiling. He was smiling when he entered the bone chilling water and it is now frozen this way.