My soon to be ending blessing

After John died, my goal was to get out of Roswell, NM.  Neither of us ever wanted to come back here to live and here I was.  Although I knew John had nothing to do with it, I would get mad at him often after he died because I didn't want to be here and he was the reason I was here.  If he wouldn't have died, I wouldn't have to be in Roswell.  Obviously it was many one-sided conversations I had to work through during the grieving process.  Even in the midst of those one-sided conversations I could picture him smiling and saying, "If only you knew what God is doing..."  I don't know if people in Heaven can see and know their loved ones future, I don't even know if they care, but it was a comforting idea that I would allow to briefly come to me in those moments.

What I didn't see was that God had other plans for me that I never in my life would think I would even enjoy.  Those plans turned out to be the biggest blessings of them all.

As I was able to talk to my students today about religion and faith, I may have made a mistake in telling them that I never wanted to work All Saints.  The statement, or rather answer, came up after we had a pretty in-depth discussion about faith.  The conversation took place after I placed a pretty condescending comment about Christianity up on the board and told them to read it, then write down points to help them defend their faith.  My goal in doing this was to get them to a point where they can stand up and defend what they believe and why they believe it.  I also told them that they may not be able to convince anyone that they are correct, but they at least need to get to a point where they can say what they believe and why they believe it.  The conversation that followed became very much a question and answer session where we discussed Catholic views vs my views.  My students soon learned that I do not believe in Pergatory, that works can get them into heaven, that Christians can go to Hell and that baptism does not save them.  I won't go in to all the details, but I really enjoyed that conversation.  After all was said and done, one student asked me, "Ms. Hale, if you don't believe all this stuff, why do you work here?" That was when I answered, "Well, to be honest, I didn't really want to work here, it was basically the only job I could get. "  Of course many, "Well, thanks Ms. Hale's" followed.  Thankfully the conversation didn't stop there.  I was able to tell them that since John died, this school and each of those kids has been one of the biggest blessings in my life since John died.  They then felt better.

It is very true.  As I looked today at my mostly empty classroom, it is a plethora of bittersweet feelings.  I am so excited to leave and follow God's next plan for my life.  I have no reservations about that whatsoever.  At the same time, that classroom was not only my first classroom, but those kids I have known for over 2 years and while we have had our up and down moments,  they are my kids.  The people at that school are some of the greatest people I have known and it is still strange to me to think that John will never know them.  However, David has gotten to know them and has heard many stories about each of those kids.  It is all part of a new chapter, a new plan, and new beginnings for us all.  I look forward to seeing and hearing what God has in store for all of those amazing kids and can't wait to see them again and tell them what God is doing in Oklahoma!

So long yet so much to say...

I have to admit that I absolutely dislike speaking publicly! And as much as I like the idea of blogging, once I get behind the keyboard, I begin to feel the same way about writing publicly.  I don't know if it's because I feel like I don't sound educated enough or that I don't like sharing my life with people unless they ask first.  I almost feel intrusive, like I am putting myself out there assuming that what I have to say is worth reading or hearing.

That said, so much has happened since the last blog I published on this site.  God gave me the strength to make it through the greiving and the loss of a husband.  Moments still tend to creep into my life at the weirdest possible times, but I don't let them get me down.  I have too many blessings to be thankful for.  In less than a month I will be getting married to a wonderful man who I absolutely adore and who adores me as well!  Within our first weeks of marriage we will be moving to Oklahoma City to help plant Sentral Church.  With all of these things going on, how can I not want to be a part of it and of what God is doing in my life.

This will be a short blog, because there is not a whole lot I want to say for tonight.  I have to start off slowly into this whole blogging thing if I am going to keep it up.  When I try to say to much I get overwhelmed and end up saving my post for another day. (I have about 7 that have been saved and probably won't be posted ever).

More to come who knows when...