Today marks one year. It is hard to imagine that I ever would have
gotten to this point. I know this day is
supposed to be very emotional, and believe me, this past month I have had my
fair share of emotions, but today it is different. Today almost feels like a victory.
Thanks to God and the strength that only he
can give, I have spent this past year achieving little goals that I have set
for myself. Exactly one year ago, my
only goal was to make it back to NM. I
achieved it. My next goal became to make
it through John’s memorial service. I
achieved it. My next goal was to finish
my dissertation so I could complete my Masters degree. I achieved it. My next goal was to get a job. I achieved it. There was one underlying goal through all of
this and that was to make it through the first year.
I never saw how I could live without
John. I have always considered myself to
be a pretty independent person, but when I was forced into total independence
this last year, I was second guessing myself. I did not see how I would be able to
live. Needless to say, I have
overcome. God has given me the strength
and the knowledge to do the things that need to be done, and what I can’t do,
he has provided people in my life to help me.
Interestingly enough, one of my biggest challenges has been cooking for
one. Thankfully, between having friends
to cook with and needing lunches during the week, I still don’t really have to
cook for one!
I give God absolutely 100% of the credit
for making it through this past year. Everything that I have achieved has been through Him
by his strength. I know just because I
have made it one year does not mean this next year won’t be difficult, but I
know that if I can make it through the first year, I can make it through the
second.
God has also put amazing people in my life
to encourage me and help me through this difficult year. These family and friends are spread out all
across the country and all over the world.
I can’t imagine my life without them.
Each one has been such a blessing from God and I constantly thank Him
for those blessings.
There is a hymn called, “Victory in
Jesus.” As I write this blog, that song
keeps popping into my head. Obviously
one year is not necessarily a victory, but one year has passed and I am not an
empty shell. I consider that a victory.
God has given me small, yet significant goals to reach for and He has
helped me reach them. Through all of
this I have felt His comfort and peace.
I have no idea what is next in my life, but I feel confident that with
His help, I can do it!
